You probably had a fight or got plain angry because of who know what and it caused you to break up with your boyfriend. After a few hours or maybe a day you realize it was the wrong thing to do and you want to get him back. You wonder what to do and how to do it. Instinctively, you want to follow your feelings and think this would be the right thing to do but that feeling that usually leads you to the right way of doing things does not always work in a situation like this one. Before you can attempt to get ex boyfriend back you have to have a plan Yes, a plan….. You have to know what you want and go for it. Go for it, not aggressively or pitifully but with a show of strength.
At this point you feel terrible and pitiful and tend to want to get him back by telling him about your really bad feelings and make him pity you and feel sorry for your pain. Forget that. Men like girls that are self reliant and able to take care of their troubles without help from anyone. If he sees you’re troubled and sad he will probably walk away in disgust thinking you are a pitiful sight and who wants to be seen with a pitiful sight. Instead, make your plan to be indifferent to a certain extent and with a show of strength you may approach him. Although you feel sick and down feeling as if you could just lay in your bed until you die this is not the way to get ex boyfriend back. At this point you have a goal and that goal should be to get ex boyfriend back.
Remember, do not follow any of the urges you feel they would not be the right ones to follow. One of the first things you may want to do is to call him. Don’t do it. Keep your calls and other contact with him to a minimum. If you keep calling and making contact with him at his favorite hangouts he can construe this as stalking. You have to move on with your life and do something to keep your mind off the ex boyfriend Create a hobby, become active, volunteer, do something that will make him see that you have gone on without him and that you have gained a self confidence you have not had before. This will make him interested enough to perhaps want to talk to you about your new life. In the process of talking to you, you can be sure he will make an attempt to get back together. He may be attracted to your new self confidence or he may want the new you all to himself. Either way you will be happy you did not take the pity or stalking approach. If he sees you can live without him he won’t want you to.
Is My Boyfriend Losing Interest In Me?
I’ll leave out all the details but I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest in me a little bit and we’ve been arguing lately. How can I prevent this? We still exchange “I love you” and we see each other a lot, I just feel like he’s disappointed in how I am. Help??
I feel like this because he’s not as verbally affectionate and we’ve been arguing about things which I makes him feel annoyed at me. I’m annoyed with him at these times, as well, but being me… I’m always trying to accommodate and fix things. I feel like I put myself out there so much and he’s stubborn and it’s hard to come to an agreement at times. We basically have compromised by now but I still feel like I’m letting him down. ~ Tink
I’m not sure if this makes you feel any better, but what you and your boyfriend are currently going through is very common. Every relationship goes through phases, and you just happen to be in a “slump”, for lack of a better term. I know you feel like you both equally compromise to accommodate the other, maybe you do a little (or a lot) more of this than your guy, which is also quite typical in most relationships, but you might want to think about the reasons how you two fell into this slump, and try and figure out a way to get out of it.
Before you jump to the conclusion that your boyfriend is losing interest in you, consider that both of you have just been dating each other for a while and some of the initial excitement has worn off. This is bound to occur, and no one person is to blame for it. There are several things you can do alone and with the boyfriend to try and get that spark back!
Embark on an Adventure Together
1. A great way to remind each other how fun and attractive the other person really is, is to go out and experience new things. Planning new kinds of dates, taking a long weekend together, or if money is super tight, simply getting a neat recipe offline and cook yourselves a meal, together! Maybe make some group date nights with other couples, or plan a big excursion with all of your mutual friends! Spicing up your life does not necessarily mean trying something romantic or sexy, although that could definitely work. The point of this to remind each other that you are still a fun, interesting person, despite the fact that you now know each other’s secrets!
Warning!: This does not mean go out and experience new people individually, for example, neither of you should try to start dating other people. This not only puts a huge strain on your relationship, but achieves almost nothing constructive for you two as a couple.
Confront the Situation
2. If you are positive that something has dramatically changed your boyfriend’s affection level towards you, then you should openly confront him about that change. Confronting him does not mean being confrontational, on the contrary most men find that approach totally overwhelming and will therefore be uncooperative. Instead, when the two of you have a quiet minute alone, calmly ask him if anything is bothering him, specifically something you did. If he claims that you have nothing wrong, try and figure out what has happened that has affected him so much. If he later admits that you have hurt him in some way, you need to explain to him immediately that:
A. you’re sorry and did not mean to cause him pain and;
B. that passive aggressive behavior will not get him the results he wants.
Most men do not know how to communicate when something is wrong, and often punish their partner with silence or anger to express it. Obviously this does not help you discover the crux of the problem, and makes you feel helpless and frustrated. By getting him to discuss these things with you will hopefully alleviate some of the tension and avoid similar issues later on.
Note: From what you said in your letter, I do not think that your boyfriend is giving you the silent treatment, but I could be wrong. It really does seem most likely to me that the two of you have just grown too comfortable with each, and need to make a combined effort to interest each other again!
Ex-Boyfriend Wants To Be Single, How To Get Him Back?
After almost a year together, my boyfriend broke up with me. It caught me completely off guard and I know I want to get him back. We rarely fought and things were going great. Here is why he said he ended it:
* He wants to be single in college and does not want a relationship right now. (We’re both students at a university)
* He wished that I had hung out with his friends more.
I know that I want to get him back and I’ve been doing really well at not contacting him and giving him space while I pull myself back together. I just don’t know what to do next. I’m confused because the two reasons he gave me contradict each other: did he want around more to be with his friends or did he want to be single and have his guy time? I just don’t get it. Do you have any advice on how I can get him back? – Kara
First of all, the reason why you are so confused is because he is so confused. This is classic boy in college mode behavior. Part of the issue here is that this has nothing to do with you as a person, or you as a girlfriend, and so there is very little that you can do. He broke up with you because of the classic, “It’s not you, it’s me” line, but this time it’s true. Obviously you guys had been going out for awhile, but the break up shook you up because you don’t understand the cause. He broke up with you not because he didn’t like you anymore or because there were complications within the relationship, but because of the complications outside of it. He loved you, maybe he still does, but the time spent with you could not compare to what he observed his friends engaging in. Being a male in a relationship in college means to them no freedom, no flexibility to do what or who they want. Even if everything in your relationship was perfect, which is only possible in a fairytale, that still could not disabuse him of thinking of what it would be like if he were single.
The “Grass is Greener” theory is proven in the two reasons he gave you: obviously he makes this very clear with the first one, but it’s the second reason that gives you a clue into what is really going on. By bringing in his friends, you can definitely see how his male-male relationships are pressuring him from the outside to join them. Even if he loves you, this idea is extremely seductive and normally his friends will win. This does not mean that you are not worth something to him, only that he cannot reconcile his relationship with you and the pressure of “being one of the guys”, hence his confusion, which brings me back to your confusion.
Before you jump into trying to win him back, because this will be a battle between your desire and his libido, you should pause and ask yourself if you think he will even be open to the idea of getting back together, and if so how long that feeling will last. If he had already invested a year with you before he broke it off, he clearly had a lot of time to realize what you have to offer in terms of a relationship. If this was not enough for him the first time, it is highly unlikely that he will be satisfied a second time around, especially when you consider how young and impressionable college men can be.
If you feel that he will be receptive to the idea of getting back together, then the only advice I can give you would be to approach him primarily as a friend. Explain to him that you miss him in your life (which seems obviously true even if you want more than friendship), and want to at least see each other once in a while and keep in contact. Don’t try to pressure him into entering any kind of commitment while you’re still trying to ease your way back into each other’s lives. The rest is up to you, remember how you two got together in the first place, and remember what made you click. You can’t force someone to be with you no matter how much you love him, or how much he may love you (which he very well could presently). Commitment is a choice, a serious choice, and nudging or pushing someone into something they aren’t ready for or don’t really want can end up hurting you and them.
Broke His Heart, He Moved On, Can I Get Him Back?
I dated this guy for 3 years, he treated me like a princess, never denied his love for me, tried and tried and tried to please me but I was a spoiled brat. I’ve always loved him, and I did but I was always stubborn to make myself vulnerable so I always broke up with him and told him to move on and told him I don’t see us having a future together. He persisted for 3 years, we basically lived as if we were going out but I went on some dates, kissed a few guys, and slept with one guy when I was drunk and regretted it so much. I told him every time these things happened and I was trully sorry, he forgave me but it forever tainted his trust in me. It drove him crazy cuz he was always afraid it would happen again, and he thought it meant I didn’t love him. He never touched a girl for 3 years.
He told me he was moving on about a month ago, I freaked out and begged him to give me another chance. He said ok lets be friends and see what happens. Where is this leading to? And what can I do to bring his love and trust back? ~ Melissa
It sounds to me like he’s giving you one last chance to prove yourself. He may have already moved on or maybe you’ve broken his trust too many times for him to ever be able to fully give his heart to you again, but you’ll never be sure until you try. And if you really do love him, you won’t be able not to try.
The way I see it, he isn’t looking for you to say or do anything that will fix what has happened; there’s no way to change the past. What’s done is done and cannot be undone, but you can still control your future. A dramatic gesture of apology or a promise to stay true to him won’t make any difference if he doesn’t trust you, and trust can’t be rebuilt overnight. It takes time. If you really want to build his trust again, you have to commit to him and keep your word every single day for the rest of your time with him. And in all honesty, there’s no other way around it.
Over time, he will notice your devotion and eventually begin to trust you again. Depending on all that has transpired between you two, this may take weeks or months or even years, and any one mistake on your part may easily cause him to remember all the times he’s been wronged by you. Because of this, he might test the waters a bit and see how much you’ve changed and how trustworthy you are by opening up to you bit by bit and observing your reactions. If you wrong him again, he’ll pull back and you’ll be one step closer to losing him. If you appreciate what he offers you and stay true to him, he’ll give you a little more to work with the next time.
You have to remember, though, that it doesn’t happen instantly; it’s a long process and you have to stay on the right track. If you really love him, regaining his trust shouldn’t be a problem because you would do almost anything to never again hurt him like you did in the past. Thinking about your situation with him in that may might help you gauge what to do and what not to do: just consider how it will affect him and his feelings toward you. As long as you remain honest, faithful, and loving, you’ll be fine.